Little Infinities
by LittleCabbage
Summary: Hazel was a mess after Augustus' death. She had no motivation to live. That is until she learns a shocking bit of news that changes her life. Hazel is determined to have her new little infinities, even if it kills her.
1. Chapter 1

I haven't left my bed in over two weeks. Not since the funeral. I haven't been this way since before Augustus came into my life. It was him that made life mean more to me, and now that he's gone life has no meaning again. The short period of time that I had with him was the best of my life. It was our little infinity.

I'm ripped out of my thoughts by a sudden wave of nausea. I quickly, well as quickly as a person with a cannula can, run to the bathroom and throw up what little I had in my stomach. For the past three days or so, I stopped keeping track, I've had awful nausea and stomach pains. It's probably from grief or depression or whatever the hell I've been feeling.

"Hazel? Are you okay, honey?" I hear my mom ask from the other side of the door.

"Fine, Mom." I answer in a flip tone. I'm sick of my parents over reacting to every little thing. Oh, Hazel scraped her knee we'd better take her to the ER.

"Maybe we should go to the hospital. Just to make sure." My point exactly.

"I said I'm fine, okay? I just haven't eaten much today is all." Or yesterday or the day before or the day before that. The act of eating, of actually putting food into your mouth, seems much harder now than before.

"How about I make you some of your favorite soup, huh? Does that sound good?"

"Sure. "I say hoping she'll go away if I agree. From the sound of her footsteps walking away I assume she left. Sighing, I lean my head back against the bathroom wall. Why Augustus? Why not me? Augustus was a breath of fresh air and a people person. People actually miss him. Who'd miss the rude, sarcastic, depressed girl?

Digging underneath the bathroom sink I look for the Pepto-Bismol, but stumble upon something that makes me stop cold. In my hands I hold an unopened box of pads. Mentally I calculate the last time I had my period. With a shock I realize that it was before Amsterdam. Before the night of the Venn Diagram. I couldn't be, could I? No, of course not. I've gone a month or two before with my period skipping, but not in two years.

Coming up with a plan, I hurriedly take a shower and throw on random clothes. When I walk downstairs both of my parents look shocked to see me.

"Hazel! It's so good to see you up and about." My dad says setting down his newspaper.

"I need to go to the store." I blurt. My parents look at each other then at me, not sure how to handle my sudden change in attitude. From laying uselessly in bed to wanting to go out in public.

"Okay. What for?" My dad asks grabbing his car keys. They're willing to do anything I ask I guess considering what's happened.

"Isaac's birthday. I want to get him something." I lie walking to my dad's car.

I'm not really sure how I convinced my dad to leave me at the store while he ran errands, but I did, thank god. I speed walk to the aisle marked 'family planning' and grab as many pregnancy tests as I can. My dad gave me a one hundred dollar bill before he left and told me to spend it how I liked. I only hope they will continue with the sympathy if I am in fact pregnant.

I never thought that five minutes could ever feel so long. Waiting to know if your life's going to change forever. The timer on my phone goes off and taking a deep breath of oxygen for my suckish lungs, I flip the first test over.

_Positive._ The next one. Positive. All of them, positive.

I sink against the bathroom wall in Wal-Mart and start to cry. How can this be happening? I can't have a baby. A baby that will never know it's father and may very well lose it's mother. But this baby, this baby growing inside of me, is a part of Augustus and I love them already.

After drying my tears I rush out of the bathroom and find something to pass as a gift for Isaac. As I walk to the checkout I pass the baby section and I stop. I pick up a cute teddy bear onesie, and place it over my still flat stomach imagining my baby. I imagine a blue-eyed baby boy with his daddy's face and my brown hair. I see him toddling around the house on short little toddler legs. I see him smiling and calling me 'Momma'. And then I see him around nine years old dressed in black hold the hand of someone in a coffin. Me.

My eyes flash open and I return the onesie back to the rack and hurry to the checkout. I don't have to wait long until my dad pulls up and I decide then that I will tell my parents tonight. They'll find out soon enough, but I want to tell them. I regret treating them so badly because even though my baby is probably only a centimeter long I know how distraught my parents would be to lose me because that's how I feel about this baby.

I'd told my parents that I had some important news to tell them at dinner and then went upstairs to think. I lay on my bed wondering all of the endless what ifs. What if I die trying to have this baby? What if this baby has cancer as well? What if my parents disown me for having this baby? Eventually I'm pulled out of my depressing thoughts by a knock on my door.

"Hazel, dinner's ready." My mother says opening my door. I take a deep breath to build my confidence and walk down to the dinning room.

" Well, what's your news?" my dad asks once we're all seated. It's now or never so I take a big breath of air and blurt,

"I'm pregnant with Augustus' baby."


	2. Chapter 2

"What do you mean you're pregnant? You can't be pregnant. In order for you to be pregnant you would have had to-" my mother starts before I cut her off.

"Had sex? Yeah mom, Gus and I slept together in Amsterdam, and now I'm pregnant with my dead boyfriend's baby!" my voice steadily gets louder as I talk until I'm nearly yelling. I feel my eyes prickle, a telltale sign that I'm going to cry. The stupid hormones already kicking in. Great.

"I knew Amsterdam was a bad idea. We never should have even let you date, not in you're condition. Now look what's happened," my dad says anger seething into his voice. " I knew that boy would lead to trouble." Anger flares up inside of me. I knew my parents probably wouldn't be happy with my pregnancy, but I hadn't expected my dad to react like this. I could handle him being mad at me, but once he brought _my_ Augustus into this all hopes of civility were gone.

"Don't you _dare _talk about Augustus that way! He was the best thing to ever happen to me and if you can't see that you have no right to call yourself my father!" I yell at my dad, venom dripping from my voice. I saw my mother wince out the corner of my eye, but I was past caring.

"Honey, why don't you go take a walk and try to calm down. I'll talk to Hazel, okay?" my mom says soothingly to my dad. He turns and walks out of the house without even looking at us. Mom sighs and turns to me. I can see the disappointment in her eyes and it makes me feel guilty for all that I've done to my parents in the past years.

"You really loved him didn't you?" my mom asks.

"No. I _love _him. Present tense. I will always love Augustus Waters, and this baby that's growing inside of me is a part of him and I love it already." I say placing my hands on my still flat stomach to emphasize my point. My mom laughs and says,

"Well I guess we need to take down your old baby furniture again." I smile and give my mom a tight hug. Even though my parents may be disappointed and mad at first, I think that they will really come to love this baby. All I really want is for my child to grow up loved in a happy family and I will work my hardest to make sure this comes true.

My dad had eventually calmed down and like my mother was beginning to get excited. There was only one thing that hindered them from being fully excited. It was something that they didn't voice their concerns on, but I knew my parents well enough to know what they were thinking. They are worried about what will happen to my health if I attempt this pregnancy. I will have to quit all of my meds and treatments because they could cause serious damage to the baby, and that in turn could cause the cancer to spread. Mom made an appointment with Dr. Maria the night I told her about the baby and Mom, Gus' mom and I are all going to the hospital at noon for my appointment. I told Gus' parents the day after I told mine. The joy on their faces almost made up for the disappointment on my parents'. I understand how they feel; it's like having a part of Augustus back.

"Hazel, are you ready? Mrs. Waters is here," My mom says standing at my open door. Grabbing my cellphone I walk with my mom and Gus' mom to the car.

"This may feel a bit cold." Dr. Maria says putting some blue sticky stuff on my abdomen for the ultrasound. She said that we probably would only be able to see the baby's heartbeat at this point because the baby was still very small. She moved the wand around on my stomach and soon an image popped up on the screen. All I could really see was a bunch of black and gray odd shapes until I finally noticed a faint flickering and thumping sound coming from the machine. A feeling of awe and adoration filled me. This was my baby.

"What's that right there?" my mom says pointing to another flickering at the bottom of the screen. Dr. Maria has a puzzled look on her face and then one of shock. Panic automatically courses through my body. Is there something wrong with my baby?

"Hazel, it would seem that you're having twins."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, I promise I'm not giving up on this story. I just had some family drama that I had to deal with along with end of the school year stuff. But the good news is; IT'S SUMMER so I'll be able to update a lot more often. I still read all of your comments though and I loved everyone. Thanks for reading ~ LittleCabbage**

* * *

"Twins! What do you mean?" my mother shouts at Dr. Maria. I only distantly hear her. In my mind I'm already picturing my beautiful baby girls. They have curly brown hair, porcelin skin, cheerful chocotale eyes, and Augustus' signature smile. Perfection.

"Hazel," Dr. Maria calls, interupting my day dream. "You do realies that this pregnancy will be even more difficult with you carrying twins. Are you sure that you want to go through with this?" she asks concern filling her eyes.

"Positive." I say. It seems that positive has become a new favorite word of mine.

"Alright. We're going to have to do some tests to see the risks that you'll face in going through with the pregnancy. Are you feeling up for that today, or would you like to wait for another day?" Dr. Maria asks putting away the machine after pressing some buttons.

"Lets just get that over with today as well." I say pulling down my shirt and getting of of the examination table. Dr. Maria hands me a black and grey picture and it takes me a moment to realise that it's a sonogram picture of my babies. My beautiful babies. They're only the size of beans, but they are still the two most beautiful things on Earth. How could they not be with Augustus as their daddy?

I feel tears start to prickel behind my eyes at the though of Gus. He'll never get to help me through my pregnancy, or be there when our babies are born, or when they say their first words, or take their first steps. Who will walk our daughters down the aisle on their wedding days? Or scare away potental boyfriends? How am I going to do this without him? He would've been the good parent while I'll probably be that one parent always dropping their kids off late for school, or worse forgetting them at school. These babies better be ready for a horrible mother

The tests Dr. Maria did on me went by pretty quick. Just a little blood drawn here, breathing test there, and scan of my chest. You know normal teenage stuff. I'd told both Gus' and my mom to wait outside because having them with me the whole time just felt awkward. I was swinging my converse clad feet when suddenly Dr. Maria turned around grining from ear to ear.

"Hazel, I think we can cancel all of your treatments." She said excitedly. What does she mean? Of course we have to cancel the treatments because they're not healthy for the babies.

"Yeah, they're not good for the babies, right?" I ask confused as to what she could mean.

"Yes, but that's not what I'm meaning, Hazel."

"Then what do you mean?" I ask curious now.

"The cancer's gone, Hazel. You are now cancer free." She says.

And that is when I passed out.

"Hazel," I hear my mother's voice call from the land of the concious. "Hazel, honey you need to wakeup now." I groan and open my eyes, imediantly blinded by the bright hospital lights. Groaning, I sit up looking at my souroundings. Mom and Mrs. Waters are kneeling in front of me with grins plastered on their faces.

"Hazel, don't you remember? You're cancer free!" Suddenly everything came back to me, the twins and my miraculous diagnousous. You would think the most important part would be my cancer freeness, but really the thing that had me most excited was that I was having twins. It seems that even in death Augustus still seems to surprise me.

I was at home sitting on my bed when I suddenly realised something. I haven't told Isaac that I'm pregnant. Isaac and I have become a lot closer recently. After Augustus' death Isaac was been on of the few people that I bother talking to. We are the only people in the world that under stand what the other's going through. It probably also didn't help that I had basicly no friends. I took out my cell phone and type in Isaac's number. It doesn't ring long before Isaac answers.

"Hello, Hazel? Is everything allright?" He asks worry evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'm great. More than great actually. Can you come over? I have some good news I want to tell you." I say my excitement creeping into my voice.

"Yeah, of course. I'll have my mom drop me off around three."

"Alright, see you then. Bye, Isaac."

"Bye, Hazel." I end the call and place my hands on my flat -for now- stomach. In my heart I can tell that Isaac will love these babies almost as much as I do. And they will love their Uncle Isaac.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hazel! Isaac's here!" my mother yelled from downstairs. Well telling Isaac about my 'predicament' should be a hell of a lot easier than telling my parents. Especially since I know that carrying the babies isn't putting me in any danger.

"Alright, I'll be right down! " I yell back grabbing my cannula and make my way, awkwardly, down the stairs. I see Isaac standing by my mom at the foot of the stairs. He seems kind of nervous around him, but I can't really blame him. She'd probably asked him twenty questions about him and his life before I'd even left my bedroom.

"Hazel," Isaac said turning to look at me with pretty good accuracy for a blind guy. Probably due to all of his other senses being heightened.

"Hey. Why don't we head up to my room. I've got some things I want to tell you." I say taking his hand to guide him up the stairs. In his other hand is his walking stick, which he moves around to determine where the stairs are.

When we reach my room I lead him to my bed and let him sit before I sit down next to him.

"So tell me Hazel Grace, what is this important piece of news that you must so desperately tell me? It is keeping me from my blind-guy video games." I winced when he called me 'Hazel Grace' immediately being reminded of Augustus, although weeks ago I would have bursted into tears so I consider this improvement. Taking a deep, oxygen filled breath, trying to conceal my excitement, I said,

"A couple of days ago I realized that something um…wasn't right. So I went to the store a bought a test. A pregnancy test." I waited to say more, letting him absorb that much. I could see the surprise flash across his face, but quickly following that was a grin. I continued, "We went to the doctors today. I am two months pregnant with twins. Gus' babies. And don't worry according to Dr. Maria I will be in no danger carrying these babies because the cancer is gone." I finished unable to contain my excitement anymore. The grin on Isaac's face grew to an impossible proportion and he reached over an effulged me in a breath-taking hug, but that wasn't saying much.

"Whoa there Isaac, you don't want to crush the babies." I say jokingly, but he seems to think I am serious because he immediately releases me with a worried expression on his face. "I'm joking Isaac. You wouldn't actually crush them." I say teasingly.

"Oh, I knew that." He said trying to play it off, even though he knew that _I knew_ that he'd been worried. It seems that my feeling about Isaac had been right, he already loves these babies and they're only about the size of beans. "Hey Hazel, have you though about any names yet?" Isaac asked drawing me away from my thoughts. I laughed; only Isaac would ask if I had names picked out for my unknown gendered twins after only having known I was pregnant for a day.

"No it's still kind of early to be choosing names. I don't even know the genders yet." I say. He seems kind of disappointed at this so I also say, "Although I do want to incorporate Augustus in their names." He seems a bit confused at this.

"So what, you're gonna name them both Augustus Jr.?" He asks. I start laughing again. Only Isaac.

"No, I mean like naming one of them Gus and the other Max. Gus as a shortened version of Augustus and Max as in the hero from Counterinsurgence 2." I explain. In truth I have thought about names. That's actually what I was doing while I was waiting for Isaac to arrive. I just can't actually _decide_ on names until I know the genders.

"What if they're girls?" Isaac asks. I've thought of that too.

"Well, I like the name Anna because she was the main character from _An Imperial Affliction_, but I can't think of any other girls name that would incorporate Augustus." I say hinting that I want his opinion. Isaac seems to brighten even more if possible.

"Well there are loads of names to choose from. There's Augusta, August, and even Grace because he always did love calling you 'Hazel Grace'." Isaac says excitedly.

"Thanks, Isaac. I really like August, although that could be a boys name too." I tell him trying to convey how grateful I am for his help. Who would have thought that Isaac had maternal feelings? "Really Isaac, I cant even tell you how grateful I am for everything that you've done for me these past few months." I tell him my voice taking on a serious tone.

"Its no problem, Hazel, and I'll continue taking care of you and now these babies. Augustus made me promise to look after you, and I'm gonna make sure that I don't break that promise." Hearing this brings tears to my eyes. It seems that even in death Augustus is still looking after me.


End file.
